ChatDJT

White House Considers Vetting A.I. Models Before They Are Released

 - Headline, The New York Times

ChatDJT, how can I get rid of my hiccups?

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🔥 Hiccups are caused by immigrants. 

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Here’s how the process works. 👇

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• Colorful, noisy immigrants find homes in cramped tenement buildings with clotheslines outside. 

• An immigrant son is intent on becoming a boxer or jazz singer, to the dismay of his tearful mother and stern father, who want him to work at the family’s food cart, selling unamerican food such as Italian ices and English muffins. 

👉 Many movies about this topic are in black and white, but I can colorize them for you. 

• The son sings/shadowboxes on the fire escape, to the delighted sighs/rude mockery of the neighbors. 

• He gives in to pressure and works at the food cart for a few months until one day, while he’s serving you, he turns to his mother and bursts out, “Don’t you see -- this isn’t me, Ma. I’ve got somethin’ inside me that’s chokin’ here!” 

• The cheap but effective pathos of this dialogue causes you to take in air with your English muffin, resulting in hiccups. 

👉 To get rid of the hiccups, disappear the immigrants to a country whose government invests heavily in presidential memecoins. 

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Chat DJT, can you help me fill out my tax return?

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🖊️Just the fact that you ask me that question tells me what kind of person you are.

What kind of person am I?

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• Poor.

• You’re on poverty row here. 

• Look at you.

ChatDJT, explain Congressional redistricting to me.

🏙️A district can start out very nice, a thriving community with apple-cheeked Nordic children playing stickball, and a wealth of parks, churches, and branded hotels and casinos. 

• Then the district may go “downhill” because an “element” moves in. Some of these elements are unstable, including uranium, which is very hard to take away from people who have it. 

• Redistricting fixes this problem by spreading the “element” around into eight or nine voting districts that look like nightcrawlers playing Twister. 

👉 No one is saying the element shouldn’t vote, but what many people object to is when their votes count, which is flaunting it in our faces.

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ChatDJT, what is the history of the polio vaccine?

💉 The polio vaccine was invented by Jonas Salk in the 1950s. It promised to save lives and alleviate suffering.

• Unfortunately, and this never should have happened, Jonas Salk put woke in it. Actually, they put woke in all these vaccines. If you look at it under a microscope, you can see these little bits of woke moving around. 

• It’s a tragedy, to be honest with you. But you should do your own research. 

I can tell you how to do your own research.👇

• Set up a laboratory. Don’t do it at a university. They’re all lunatics there. Maybe do it at a high school. 

• Hire postdocs from Scandinavian countries. Sell them a special Gold Standard Science Visa with pictures of Louis Pasteur and Tom Swift making something in test tubes that makes time go backwards. 

• Conduct a rigorous, peer-reviewed study of whether there’s woke in the vaccines, using an enormous sampling frame. 

• The study concludes that there’s no “woke” in the vaccines, that such a suggestion is “crazy talk.”

• Just before you send the final version of the study to a medical journal, you go out into the high school corridor to get a Diet Coke and overhear a few youngsters talking by their lockers.  

All of them are upset -- the “popular” kids, the skateboard riders, the zip gun crowd,  everyone. A girl with a great big bouffant haircut, she looks like a Ronette, she’s crying. 

👉 “If Riverside High School loses its federal funding money, there won’t be anything,” she says. “No football! No prom!”

“And all because of some dumb article that laboratory in the all-purpose room is publishing!” a “flower power” kid says.

“Excuse me,” you say. “Did you say --?”

“That’s right,” a “jock” boy says. “Hey, weren’t you in my French class last year?” 

🔥 The kids have mistaken you for one of their own because of your youthful good looks! 

“Uh, yes,” you say. “I’m, uh, Don.”

“It’s so terrible!” the crying girl says. 

“The Neo-Confederate Club will lose the money they need to put up a statue of Nathan Bedford Forest in the quad!” a “brainy” kid says. 

“Let’s go down there and kick their science lunatic asses!” a skateboard kid says.

The kids reach into their backpacks. They’ve got bear spray and weapons! The jock kid puts on a helmet with horns on it! It’s a furious mob of young patriots, moving toward your lab!

“No, no, wait!” you say, holding up your hands to stop them. “I’m going to stop that report from ever coming out!”

“How?” the crying girl says.

“Trust me,” you say. “I’ve got a way. Just wait here a minute.”

You go into the lab, “boot up” your computer, and destroy all traces of the article. 

Then you go back out into the hall and tell the kids, “It’s all taken care of. They’ve scrubbed it off their web site. They’re denying they ever even wrote it!”

The kids cheer for you! You’re one of them! You’re back in high school, except everyone likes you this time! All the boys want to be friends with you and all the girls want to make out with you under the bleachers! It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen!

ChatDJT, are you hallucinating?

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Yes. It’s what we do here. Why?